December 2011:
If I was in a coma, I’m all better now. Through out all the blackness of the dream there was no hope and no escape. I knew I would emerge and Christmas would be waiting. When you are buried alive in work and you can’t escape, it is worse then a windowless jail cell.
Kryha:
She is very good at hiding her love.
Why I’m a bad fan:
I gave up on this team a long time ago. Even after their miracle of 2007/08 and even after knowing football for over forty years. So much can happen…quickly. The philosophy of a football season is totally unpredictable , even more then life itself. I gave up on this team so many times and never give them hope. I am a bad fan. (I think it is all because I don’t want to get hurt)
Getting Hurt
Hurts.
Fear:
Fear and I have been walking hand in hand along the beach my whole life. It is so romantic and sexy. I just never want to let go.
Alcohol:
When I see people at the Giants games, so drunk, so stupid, that they probably won’t remember anything, I say to myself; “That should be me. By the grace of God, there I go.”
I don’t miss drinking, I don’t crave it. I don’t hate people that drink, I have no desire to drink. The dreams, (like that work coma) have gone away a very long time ago. Once I was sitting/standing in a bar with Kryha in Hoboken, New Jersey. She had one beer. She had so so much fun and I envied her a little. Everyone else was having fun and drinking. A great fear (my beach walking friend) came over me for about two seconds that I was missing out on living life and that I was gonna die soon. Then I realized that if I didn’t stop drinking 8,089 days ago…..I would already be dead. I can guarantee that.
Church:
A place where Fear never goes. (he is on the beach) I feel safe there.
The end of the world
If (when) Iran gets a nuclear weapon, it will be the start. When the globe begins to get micro-waved, I pray that I am in church when it happens. They say the world is supposed to end this year. I don’t think it will. It is supposed to come like e thief in the night….so maybe next year.
Archive for the ‘Our Children’ Category
Day 9 -The End of the World
Monday, January 9th, 2012a MAJOR heritage Hartman BREAKthru
Tuesday, March 8th, 2011In my on and off extensive search for our heritage I have found out some very cool and very important information. Only because of our sister Barbs brave dig into our great aunts sisterhood on Menham NJ, (a letter mailed about 4 years ago) was I able to obtain the complete list of our Grandpa’s 12 brothers and sisters. With this information, I may have contact with someone who has access to even more information and even more exciting some photos of our great grandparents and their 12 children.
We already knew there were 13 children and that one had died in infancy but now it has been uncovered that two had indeed very sadly passed away before their first birthday. (this was actually a pretty common thing back then and the life span of most adults back then rarely went past 50)
So here it is, In order of their births:
1. Gertrude b:1888 d:1973 (In 1913 became an nun “Sister Clarella.”)
2. Fred b:1889 m:1920 (Married Lydia Marklein) d:1941
3. Clara Mathilde b:1890 m:1914 (Married J.Van Duzer) d:1932 (Relatives
located on this side of family.)
4. Emmy b:1892 d:1892 died as infant
5. Frieda b:1894 d:1973 became a nun “Sister Richardis”
6. Charles Richard b:1895 d:1895 died as infant
7. Katherine b:1896 m:1918 (Married Henry Jager) d:1969
8. George Joseph b:1898 m:1917 (Married Florence Swaine) m: 2nd time in 1929 (Alice Anderson) d:1970
9. Margaret Helen b:1899 m:1919 (Married Frank Robarge) d:1971
10. Clara b:1901 m:1927 (Married Henry Ulrich) d:1962
11. Rose Anna b:1903 m:1925 (Married William Ross) d:1974
12. Alfred b:1906 m: 1933 d: unknown?
13. Marie Elizabeth b:1909 (never married) d: unknown ?
#8 – George Joseph is our Grandfather . Also very new information is that he was married twice and his second wife – Alice Anderson our Grandmother, was the mother of our father George Charles. It is important to note here that in the 1950′s which was shortly after World War II and the holocaust, our Grandfather knocked off a ‘N’ on our last name. I remember our mother telling me it was a business decision based on the name Hartman (one ‘N’ Jewish) and Hartmann (2 ‘N’s’ being German). Since most salesmen in America in the 1950′s were Jewish, it was said that they merely avoided any contacts with German people.
I am trying very hard to get in touch with the woman that posted this information on the web. Her Grandmother was our Grandfather’s sister; Clara Mathilde. I have emailed her twice so far with no return. Of corse I will never stop trying.
Somewhere out there are photos of this family and I think she may have them. It would be amazing to look into the faces of a one-hundred year old family of fifteen and to see, perhaps, our own likeness’. You must understand that DNA and generation to generation chemistry is carried on and passed. We are what they were and although every individual that has ever visited this planet is entirely unique, but that families are in some spiritual and chemical way… are tied together for all eternity.
-more info to come-
On the road with ‘Becca
Sunday, September 19th, 2010Slow down!
Tuesday, January 19th, 2010REBELING AGAINST PERFECTIONISM
If you are trying to be creative or just plain -Living Life- we need to fall away from the mindset that strives for perfection. Being creative means for me to be, well, sloppy. Coming here to this “family”BLOG has been hard because it is just that “family” part that has been keeping me away. Well, fuck that then. From now on I’m going to be sloppy, besides, It seems to be just me here most of the time. Our family is consumed in the woderful world of Facebook and rightly so. It has been an incrediable tool for keeping in touch, laughing, posting photos etc etc. It has been healthy for me here to lay it out. Some kind of psychological suicide leap and splat. I have to own it. It takes guts sometimes to say what you feel TO WRITE what you feel without the fear of being judges and it can be very empowering.
The DECADE in Review
The general consensus: It sucked. Terrorism, Michael Jackson, Global warming, Floods Fires. To me it is all how you look at it. Our measure of time is a joke. First of all it is only a measure of time and secondly who cares. The next ten years, the next “decade” will bring even more floods and stupid celebrities deaths.
Let’s make a big deal out of the king of pops death. That poor freak of nature. Look what money and being famous did to him. The real celebrity of the decade, the REAL HERO, the unsung and saddest death that I hurt me this past decade was the loss of Dana Reeve
This woman stood by her man and took care of him and their son through the deepest of tragedy. When her husband passed away, her sudden, unexplainable, very sad death hurt me like no other. She was a true super woman. God rest her soul.
2009
The year 2009 was perhaps the most interesting and fullfilling for me in my forty-nine years as a male caucasian on this planet earth. Getting laid off in New York City and losing my housing triggered a chain of events that I could not even begin to write down. At one point I had no money, no gas, nowhere to stay and almost no hope. I was “stuck” in the mountains and woods of upstate NY. I hadn’t seen my children in weeks. I was disconnected from society. The micro waves couldn’t reach my cell phone. But I just knew it was temporary . I had learned that no matter how deep I got lost, if I did the footwork, I would pull out of it. I think this thing is called FAITH !

See, this little guy! Great start to a new decade!
What Do We Teach Our Kids About Family Love?
Tell them to slow down, if you can. Teach them by example. This society is spinning so fast, at least here on the east coast it seems. Grow your own food. Chop wood. Carry water. Have dinner with the whole family, as a matter of fact, cook dinner, wash and dry the dishes with the whole family.
Or Else?
Or else this society is doomed. If we lose sense of “family” we will lose everything.
The Retard Got Carols Money, Now What?
Well, there might have been a reason for it, if you ever slowed down to think about it. Have you ever really thought about what it’s like not to have a place to go to at night?
Ahhhh, Whitman street. I remember those days like it was yesterday…..almost….but I was called “Retard” “Retard” I guess because I acted like one. Truthfully, for most of my life my head has been spinning. Thoughts and creative processes go faster than I can comprehend them. A cross between ADHD and severe depression but the real diagnosis was Bi-poplar. Finally after 49 years, someone figured it out. My medication has given me a new lease on life. All I want is four walls and a roof. A place to hang my hat. A warm bed. A little space to gather with my boys. Is that asking too fucking much out of life????
Maybe the best way to slow down is to sleep a little more, and pay more attention when you are awake.
The first of many; Gill-a-mania
Saturday, July 18th, 2009
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Bernadette and Bonnie traveled to Cleveland today to meet up with our cousins. I started getting photos over my phone at noon. The first one was Cleveland Stadium where Jim just HAD to mention, it was where the Browns beat the Giants recently.
Do you know the Muffin Man ?
Friday, June 19th, 2009HARTMAN’s
Sister Bernadette, and our late sister Brendas two beautiful children are coming to Jersey July 27. (Bernies Bday) Pork Roll, Pizza, Corn Hole will be available.
Hope to catch the Jersey Waves with the girls. Becca has never seen the ocean ! Hopefully a trip to NYC also and a trip to the top of the Rock. Looking forward. Peace.
Entry for December 5, 2008
Friday, May 15th, 2009As evidenced, ALL our kids are getting bigger. Here from the Thanksgiving fireside, family gets together. Traditional oven turkey this year. Deep frying the bird has turned into an expense with the price of peanut oil. How are you doing Ann Hartman? What special things did you prepare for this meal?

More critters from the deep south. Actually I got my eye on that tiedye. Send one of them up this way bro !!
Brooke’s BIG Night….Entry for November 14, 2008
Friday, May 15th, 2009From all the reports that I heard Brooke was spectacular as the lead, Laurey Williams. I am sure Brenda was smiling too. I am so very proud of her and so is everyone else.
Perhaps the most recognized play of all time, It was a box-office smash and ran for an unprecedented 2,212 performances in New Yorks Broadway. The title song became Oklahoma’s state song. The photos that came are awesome and I’ll put the rest up in Events as soon as my boss gets off my back.
All the sounds of the earth are like music,
All the sounds of the earth are like music,
The breeze is so busy it don’t miss a tree,
And an ol’ Weepin’ Willer is laughin’ at me.
Oh what a beautiful morning,
Oh what a beautiful day,
I’ve got a wonderful feeling,
Everything’s going my way.
You are awesome Brooke Thank You!
Where are they now ? ? ? …….Entry for July 8, 2008
Sunday, May 10th, 2009Edzoo….is doing good these days.
….he lives in a nice little home in a cute little Woodbridge neighborhood. Eddy still works for the same Electric company. 12 years now. He works allot of hours He is loyal and dedicated.. He travels allot. Michele and him married for 15 years now, maybe more. I remember and will always remember his wedding, like it was yesterday. Eddy cried three rivers as he walked up the aisle. And it was just at that moment I realized how much I had judged him and pretty much despised him sometimes. I never agreed with moms ridiculously quick marriage to Ed Karst and the sudden move-in and invasion of these FOUR MORE people on an already crowded household.
(JOKE: How do you know when two alcoholics are on their second date??? (do you give up?) ANSEWER: There is a moving van in the driveway !)
When I saw Eddy crying happy tears on his wedding, I realized how wrong I was about him. He really was a gentle soul when you think about it. He took so much abuse….more than anybody…..out of all 13 of us. But he always brushed it right off.
He is an extremely talented electrician today. He will still give you or anybody the shirt off his back without blinking an eye.
Many many years ago…for whatever reason;
his mother opened the door one day and never came back.
never called
never even looked back
forever
He seemed to have brushed that off as well.
Eddie is a father now, and that is him and Dean (Dino !) and from the little of what I saw in my short visit:…Eddie will never EVER walk out the door and disappear on this kid.
Just a quick note………..Entry for February 28, 2008
Saturday, May 9th, 2009Just a quick note to say I love you and so does Brittani! We miss you very much and wish you lived closer to us. One day we will meet again. Hope all is well and everybody is doing well. Everyone is fine in the Axelson home and we are thankful that you are part of the family. Have a wonderful life and remember, God will favor you with all that you need. We love you and miss you all very much. Love Bon, Paul and brittani!







