Posts Tagged ‘George C. Hartman’

Nice guys finish first

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

You can never be too rich or too thin, or so the saying goes, but can you be too nice? Absolutely!! It is possible to be nice to a fault and when you are it is usually you who gets hurt. Being too nice means not asserting yourself, not standing up for your wants and not expressing your needs. This just isn’t healthy. Nice is good, too nice is bad. Are you so nice it’s cruel… to yourself?
I don’t attack people, why do they attack me? If I like taking photos of strange things in my journey through life, why is that a problem to the people that are close to me. My two teen boys specifically.

I never claimed to be a graphic designer a professional photographer or even an artist. A prepress printer? Yes. And a very fucking good one too. It just so happens that in prepress (if you are a “fucking good one” you need to have a flair for design, a sense of what is the current trend and an all out appreciation for ALL arts) In New York I did a lot of design. It was good. Some wasn’t so good. It was actually so good that two years after I got laid off, clients still ask for me.
Of coarse there is certain amount of ego stroking involved, but what’s wrong with that? Isn’t it part of life to ENJOY WHAT YOU DO and have someone say once in a while, “Hey, that is really nice. Good job.”

The same day I was bashed by my children for my love of photography and art, I was accused of being a slave. A slave to my job and my ex wife. Not just once but several times over the course of the evening. Each time I never defended myself or earlier when I was accused as a “wanna-be” photographer, I kept my mouth shut. But inside I was deeply hurt. Maybe that is why I have fallen into my blog for the first time in months.
I am not a slave to anybody. Not the man in the UK. Not my job. Not my ex wife. Not anybody. “Have you ever tried to figure out how much you make an hour?” I was recently asked. Well, I have thought about that but right now, I AM DOING WHAT I HAVE TO DO. I truly believe there are better days ahead so IT IS ALL WORTH IT. God DAMN IT- it was only a little over a year ago I woke up in my fucking car because that was my FUCKING BED. I was homeless and jobless and my kids didn’t know who I was. The bills were stacking up and I owed THOUSANDS in child support. People hated me then, and people hate me now; I have a job, I spend QUALITY time with my kids, my bills are getting paid, so here’s somebody to hate.

Ten years after the divorce I am still a mother fucking scum bag son of a bitch and it was 100% all my fault. The kids were raised on that the past ten years. I have been swimming upstream the past ten years and keeping my mouth shut. In the back of my mind I struggled to BE MYSELF. A nice person. Help others. SHOW BY EXAMPLE. I wasn’t even close to being a perfect example to my kids, in fact, even in sobriety I failed greatly BUT that is part of being human. I am human. We are human. There is no such thing as PERFECTIONISM in humanness. My only hope was that the fucking no good bastard that everyone had agreed I was could only ever so slowly be erased by my actions and prayers.

The funny thing is, now that I think about it, as I was being ridiculed for being who I am by my teenage kids yesterday, what was I doing?? Buying them their favorite lunch, listening to them, and helping the eldest, Joshua, by driving him 0n a 80 mile round trip journey to help him get a car.

Nice guys don’t finish last (as the saying goes) not if they turn the other way when someone calls them a “loser” a “deadbeat” a “wannabe” or a “slave”. If I am a happy hardworking man in my mind, and the simple little things in life make me happy, then that is all I need to know to sooth the fears that I carry when I worry about what other people think of me.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Gratitude, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

the self refuses to appear

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010

then there were three....


Beverly was forever depressed. Even in her toddler photos you can see something is bothering her. I wonder if she was born with some sort of brain chemical disorder. Her obsession with death. Her rebellious lifestyle. Her fears. Her deep dark secretes. Her never-ending escapes from reality. Three marriages. No children. Several abortions. Relentless addictions. Diabetes. Anorexia. Her close relationship with the enabling side of her mother. The ultimate doom. This poor sister of ours. Such a short life (44) . Such a short time with us. Sadly her death overshadowed by the death of Brenda.
Who were you closer to, Brenda or Beverly or is that an even fair question? Brooke once asked me why I didn’t have a tribute to Brenda on this website. It would be so easy for me to say “I never have time.” After all we did have a special Family Ties edition for Beverly and Mom.
When you wake up everyday, to sunshine or rain
clouds or storm
do you ever stop to think it will be the last day you wake up on this planet?
Like the Bible says, it will come like a thief in the night
We are all killing ourselves slowly. This addictive death over and over and
over and over. The definition of insanity was our inheritance in this life
Generations of troubled souls seeking somehow
serenity from a racing mind
erase the pain of everyday strife
stop the cycle and lets live life
let’s show our children a different beach
sandy feet
soothing waves
cool refreshing shade

Do you notice cinematography on TV? Perhaps if you are a cinematographer. And yet if you have ever seen the show, “Breaking Bad” you can’t help but notice. I am not a big TV person and actually the ONLY TV that I have watched in the past year have been the NFL. I accidently stumbled on this show while visiting an old friend but all I could remember was being totally WOW’ed by this show. Based in beautiful New Mexico and shot with a wide lens, it is the story of a guy who loses all his money to a cancer diagnosis that wasn’t. He cooks and sells crystal meth to save his family. Interesting.
BIG BULLY just GO AWAY
I think World War one was started by another country sinking another countries boat. Recently North Korea has for no reason torpedoed a South Korean ship and declared that if anyone has a problem with it, we are prepared for an all-out war.
Would you believe me if I said the world is ending and we are all hurling towards cosmic conflics that are hotter then the face of the sun?

HELP !!!!!


Right now I’m in a book store listening to this negative fuck next to me tell his wife (who never says a word) I don’t see democracy or capitalism working, I don’t see our culture working, I see no help for the unemployed, we watch too much TV, everybody is addicted to something, the cost of education, the crime in the streets…come on let’s get outta here!” They left their empty cups on the table, didn’t put back the magazines and books they were thumbing thru went out to the parking lot, crawled into their Cadillac SUV and drove home to their protected little shell of a home somewhere in the suburbs.
TEENAGERS
Perhaps the greediest, neediest and most self centered bastards on American soil today. They deserve their high insurance rates, they deserve a empty future of resources, they need a good fucking smack in the ass. A wake up call like never before seen. Maybe an angry country on the other side of the world called North Korea.
Is every person in the nation entitled to drive around in a ton of steel, air conditioning blasting, texting and music blaring?
HELP ME TO understand!
While millions upon millions of gallons of crude oil leak into the gulf of Mexico, the price of gasoline has gone down. It is at the lowest that I have ever seen in 2 years.
How are they going to stop this leak? It is already a bigger tragedy then the Exxon Valdez in Alaska. After they stop it, then what? Is anybody losing any sleep over this?
When you cut off the flow of blood to an human organ it dies. When you cut the flow of nature into peoples lives, their spirit dies. It’s as simple as that.
FACEBOOK
Blank Face Face Blank. About Face. How many hours a day do we spend looking at a screen rather then looking at the faces of real people? 500 Million Facebook users!! The company CEO a 26 year old has disabled his “Friend” button. Privacy issues? Who cares if Big Brother is watching, I have created a much better me on-line then the one I carry with me in real life!

I confess to being a lazy bastard. I don’t care. I don’t want to do nothing. I don’t want to be bothered. I especially hate painting rooms and moving furniture so if you need those things done and I do help you, consider me a hero. Waiting for my medal.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Addiction, Gratitude | 1 Comment »

why the wicked witch is NOT dead

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Because evil will always be seeking to hurt us. Temptation, greed, lust and wishing your life was as good or better than your neighbors.
I got fired today. Eight days after I got the job. I kind of saw it coming. The short spanish man just did not like me. I have faced the “short man dilemma” my entire life but this time it was a great thing. The Wicked Witch lives in all of us, especially in prejudice.
“George, I am going to have to let you go. Peter just can’t work with you.”
From my first meeting with this man, his karma was very destructive and strong. He had the upper hand and he knew it and he used it. I never talked back, actually got humbler, nicer, funnier, more cooperative, more understanding, overly helpful and this just got him angrier and more POWERful.
I believe that if I would have given him what he wanted, fights, arguments and negativity I would have retired there with a huge pension.
It was a great relief to walk out that air conditioned office into a blast of heat and the stench of the side alley garbage. I climbed into my car, rolled down all the windows, opened the roof and blasted my son Joshuas death metal music. Shaking, rocking and rolling down Spanish Harlem. Giving and getting the thumbs up from Senoritas with huge butts. Goodbye to another rather short and humbling chapter to the quest for materialism.

I haven’t seen TV in a month !! It is almost like “I haven’t had a cigarette in a month !”
I have heard that quitting smoking is a “spiritual experience” Really a tough one.
But really. No TV in a month is a great feat. I don’t miss it at all.
What a bunch of fucking bullshit. I would sell my left kidney for ONE freakin RERUN of Seinfeld.

Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, what if you found yourself transported not just over the rainbow but beyond — to other worlds and other peoples? What practical information, ideas, or gifts might you find there to bring back home?
In my journey now I have included Peter (the short spanish man with way too much power) in my mantras. As much as I would love to be angry with him and dump a gallon of fresh red paint over his he-man sports car, what happened in that Grand Format Print Shop was meant to be. As my brand new three doors slam shut, I am already anticipating the next door to open.
BUT NOW with Summer hotter than hell and the ocean waves cool salty and refreshing, I have no problem staying “In the hall” for awhile. I can wait with full unemployment benefits for the next heartbreak and or challenge. Have to go now.
GONE FISHING

Tags: , ,
Posted in friends, Gratitude | 3 Comments »

Keeping Brother Glenn alive

Friday, July 10th, 2009

There once was a herd of ten sheep and they were all raised in the same pen.
They looked at each other and said, “Look at you, YOU are the BLACK sheep of the family.”
“No, I am NOT. Have you looked at yourself? YOU are indeed the black sheep of the family.”
In their minds they all thought that they were indeed, fluffy white on the outside. When they looked at their brothers and sisters, they saw negativity, difference and darkness.
ONE DAY a shiny chrome, newly washed, 18 wheel freight truck pulled up next to them to deliver their food. When they all looked at their reflection as one family, they realized that they were all the same color. They were all beautiful and they were even more beautiful when they saw how they looked together as ONE.
I got a text message from Ohio saying Glenn is in a nursing home.
From deep within your heart ask Jesus to be by his side.

Glenn we LOVE YOU

Glenn we LOVE YOU

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Addiction, Mighty Ten | 5 Comments »

Free WI-FI

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

My bathroom is the next fast food restaurant and the YMCA. I always liked the Y. It is pampering of my body. Endless hot water in the shower. 103 degree hot tub in front of a picture window of woods. Sometimes the Jersey deer wander over and through. The Westfield YMCA is filled with alot of retired successful men. They have interesting stories and recollections. But it seems to me that they always end up talking about MONEY.
For the most part, in the locker room we are all naked. You are not supposed to look at each others penis’ but sometimes you can’t help it. There are alot of mirrors and asses and penis’ all over the place.
Some guys are driving compact cars and some guys have Hummers. Once I was shaving naked in front of the mirror when Frank came over almost right next to me. Frank is a very tall and wide black man. He is very outspoken and sometimes annoyingly friendly. So Frank is naked too and he starts talking to me about investments and divorce. I don’t even remember how it all started but his PRESENCE was very strong. He kept looking at me in the mirror as he talked. I just had to check out his penis. So I snuck a look and was like wow, dude, I don’t feel so bad. We are both driving Cadillacs only his is black. I can listen to him finally but can give two shits about investments and divorce at this point in my life.
The worse thing that can happen when sleeping in a car is have a mosquito in there with you. Because I park next to woods, they are there waiting for me. I got raped last night.

In New York all the women that walk past reflective windows will 98% of the time watch themselves as they go by. When women meet each other they are VERY quick. You might have to see it in slow motion but in the quickest up and down look (ALWAYS shoes first) can figure out everything you are wearing, your hair, your nails and can make an honest assumption on whether you are multi-orgasmic or not. Women are the most clever animals on the planet earth. They are emotion and intuition driven. They are much more intelligent, sensible and honest.

Food that takes a long time to go bad:
Peanut Butter
Pizza.
Milk has alot of vitamins but is extremely perishable. Just buy small amounts.
I will tell you this: Greg beat me to it. I would have been living in Florida right now, in the middle of fucking nowhere and I would have started a farm and a big garden. Perhaps I would sit on the porch all day and say “Fuck Graphics” Ha ha ha. I would absolutely have a dog.
I would name her Eddy.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Tall Tales, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »